There are billions of people in the world and many of them try to be perfect. This is something that happens as an emotional defense. It is a trauma response that needs to be addressed.
It is a lot easier for people to punish themselves for not doing something impossible than to admit that they are facing trauma. When you are a perfectionist, you will convince yourself that you need everything to be perfect. You need your close to fit you perfectly, you need to be the smartest and you need to never make mistakes.
Being a Perfectionist
Perfectionism is a personality style that happens when someone is trying to live a perfect life. They are often critical of themselves because they are not able to reach this stage of perfectionism. They will evaluate their situation and see if they are living up to par.
Some think that perfectionism is when you put yourself in situations that are impossible and in situations that you can never reach. This happens when you need to show everyone that you are worth something because you don’t feel like you are worth anything. You want people to validate you.
You are suffering and you are in pain but you want to be in control. This ends up causing you to sabotage yourself because you will never be able to do enough to feel worthy. This is why people often end up in toxic relationships because they want to be perfect or strive for perfectionism.
Why Try for Perfectionism?
When you have trauma that you have never faced, you will often feel like you are helpless. This can be things that happened to you when you were a child. It can be a time where you felt like you weren’t able to defend yourself or a time where you felt that you had to be perfect so that you would be treated right. This is a negative thought pattern that limits your beliefs.
You Can Never Make It Right
You will never be able to reach perfectionism and so you can never make it right for yourself. You can plan your whole life the way that you hope that it will be and you can do everything that you think should be done but you will never achieve this state.
You will end up exhausted because you are always making a plan and you will see that no one is perfect. You will continue to disappoint yourself and you will feel that life is not fair. It can be hard on you but it will also be hard on the people around you.
Being Perfectly Anxious
Instead of being perfect, perfectionism will cause you to have a lot of stress and anxiety. You will cause yourself to have problems like OCD. Sometimes in certain cultures, perfectionism is pushed but it is something that can never be achieved.
Even if you do your best, you will never reach this kind of standard. You will always end up wondering if you have done anything right. You will keep failing and you will develop problems such as a victim mentality.
Overcoming Being a Perfectionist
Here are some ways you can stop being a perfectionist:
Set Boundaries
You have to set boundaries for yourself and for others. Boundaries are there so that you can value yourself and you can show your worth.
Say No
Say no when you don’t want to do something.
Decide What You Want
You need to decide what you want and what you can afford. If you can’t afford it, don’t strive to get it, and don’t steal it. You don’t steal something because you have morals. Don’t do things that will take away your morals. Always figure out how much you want something and what cost you want to pay.
Be Childlike
Being childlike is something that is okay. You can be like the child you never got to be. You don’t have to be perfect now and you don’t have to feel that you should be this way. Live your life and have some fun.
Be Compassionate
Be compassionate to yourself and to others. The world is going to keep moving and you need to forgive yourself and forget the things that you don’t think that you are good enough at. Love yourself and have compassion. Be kind and protect yourself. Keep yourself at a standard that you can actually reach.
Treat yourself like you treat others and be kind and loving to them.
Get Rid of social media
Get rid of social media or at least get rid of people in your life that make you feel negative. You don’t have to have friends that aren’t really your friends. Also, if you have an ex that brings you pain, get rid of them on social media too.
Limit Your Electronics
Limit the time that you spend on your electronics and on social media. You don’t have to answer someone that texts you right away. Do whatever you are doing and be present. If you are with your friends, be present with them or if you are with your family, be present with them. Don’t let your phone and your social media or electronics distract you from what is going on in front of you.
Remember, no one is perfect, and you need to embrace your imperfections.