Being betrayed by your partner is very hard but being betrayed by your friend is almost just as hard to deal with. Losing trust or a bond that you have with someone that you are close can lead you to heartbreak and pain.
What can you do to get past betrayal from a friend? Can you forgive them and come to terms with things? If you are betrayed by a friend, partner or a family member, the feelings might be the same.
Say the Feeling
The first thing that you need to do is to say what you are feeling. Do you feel angry or betrayed? In order to get better, you have to face the feelings that have come to you.
Here are some of the common things you will feel when you have been betrayed:
- Anger-this happens when you are upset that someone has betrayed you or made you lose trust in them.
- Sadness-this is when you cry, and you feel a loss.
- Surprise-being betrayed might shock you and make you surprised that they acted the way that they did.
- Worry-you might worry that your life is going to be different.
- Aggravation-you will be aggravated by them and their actions.
- Disgust-you can’t even hear their name without gagging.
- Insecure-you will wonder what you did to cause them to act that way or if you could ever trust anyone again.
- Shamefulness-you might blame yourself for what happened and be ashamed that people will find out and blame you.
- Lonely-when you are betrayed, you will feel lonely.
- Confused-you will not understand why this happened to you and why they treated you the way that they did.
You have to face your feelings and whatever you are feeling when you are betrayed, take time to process it.
If you are confused or shocked that this happened to you, let those feelings come out and if they turn to anger or disgust, face those too.
You will have different feelings during this time, do not be hard on yourself.
Do Not Get Even
When you feel betrayed, one of the first things that might come to mind is getting even. Even though you are angry, and you feel that they should pay for what they did, this is not something that will help you.
This will only hurt you more and will cause you to hurt others. Stop thinking about what happened and learn to let yourself heal. Getting even is like a wound that will never get better, and it will keep bringing you pain until you let it go.
You will be able to resist the temptation to get back at someone and this will make you a stronger person.
Take a Vacation
Once you have been betrayed, you need to take a vacation or at least not go around the person that hurt you.
Do not message them or look at their social media. Do not let them fuel your fire. One of the worse things that you can do is to talk to them and keep bring the situation up.
If they contact you, tell them that you need space and time to work through things and you want them to leave you alone.
As your emotions get better, you will be able to think clearly and know what to do next.
Talk to Someone
Find a friend or a counselor that you can talk to. Make sure you can trust the person and pour out your heart to them. Tell them what you are feeling and let them help you to heal.
Talk to someone that is neutral and not someone that will go back and tell the person what you said. Listen to what they tell you and don’t get offended if they give you advice.
If you don’t have anyone that you can talk to, go to a professional to help you work through your feelings.
Figure Out the Betrayal
Why did you get betrayed? What did they do to you to hurt you? Were they doing it to hurt you, or did they make a mistake?
We all make mistakes and sometimes when we are being careless, we have a bigger chance of hurting someone. Sometimes you can forgive a betrayal.
You need to talk about what happened and find out what they meant to do and why they did what they did.
Get all of the information that you can and make sure that they tell you any secrets that they had against you. Do not let someone’s weakness cause you to be angry at them forever.
If someone you know has betrayed you because of an addiction, help them to find help and help them to figure out how to get out of their mess. You can do this even if you break up with them or if you choose to stay out of their life.
A betrayal that was deliberate is different and means that they didn’t care about you in the first place. Maybe you were gossiped about by someone that you love or maybe your partner cheated on you with your friend.
These things can make you feel angry, and you have to understand that you have a right to feel what you feel. Let yourself feel your emotions and then move on.
Find Out Your Relationship
Look at your relationship and find out why the betrayal hurt you so much. Why are you feeling emotional over this?
However close you are to the person that betrayed you is how strong of feelings you will have. Betrayal by a friend that you haven’t seen for a while will not be as hurtful as your best friend who is a huge part of your life.
However, you value the relationship will determine if you decide to move on without them or work things out.
Reflect on Life
Once you have calmed down and you understand the betrayal, decide what you are going to do now. What are the consequences of this betrayal? Do you feel that you can get back together with this person or trust them again?
Focus on why things happened. Do not ask what questions but why questions. Ask why this happened and why they acted that way and why you feel like you do.
Do not get a victim mentality and try to blame others or to take the blame on yourself. Find out what you are feeling and how you will feel in the future.
You can ask questions and see if you can move on and heal or if you need to move on from the person.
Talk to the Person that Hurt You
One of the biggest ways to heal is to talk to the person that has hurt you. Ask them why they hurt you and why they did what they did.
Do this only when you are ready to talk to them about what they did to you. Do not be defensive and do not yell and scream.
When you stick with the facts and tell them how you feel, you will be specific, and you will show them that you can handle your emotions and your life.
Be specific with your conversation and if you are not able to trust them anymore, tell them. You can tell them that you felt scared or angry or confused. You can tell them that they put you in a bad position.
Allow your thoughts and feelings to come out in your words. You can even write a letter if you do not feel strong enough to talk to them.
Cut Them Out of Your Life
No matter if you choose to forgive or not to forgive, the value of the relationship will determine your next steps. If you value the relationship, you will choose to forgive and you will see others differently.
No matter if they have done this to you before or if it is the first time, people will talk about it outside of your relationship. When you get hurt and betrayed, more people seem to know about your life more than you do.
This will put a strain on your relationship but if you want to work it out and let things heal, give them an ultimatum. If it happens again, tell them that you are leaving them and that you are no longer letting them be in your life.
Moving On
When you feel that someone has betrayed you and you have to deal with it, this is not something fast and easy. You have to look at what happened to you and decide if you are going to face your emotions and heal or if you are going to keep a grudge.
Learn to be responsible with your feelings and see that in time, you will start to heal. You will recover from your pain and you will see that your emotions will fade. As you recover from the pain, you will see the betrayal in your past and you will be able to let it go.
Even though it will always be there, in some manner, you will be able to see that your life is better and that you are able to heal and to move forward. If you need to talk about your feelings and you need a neutral person, talk to a counselor. You can find someone that you can talk to online or even in person if it will help you to deal with your emotions.