Friends are meant to make your life happy and to be there to support you and to help you not to be lonely. Having friendships means you can live a life that is satisfying and fulfilled.
Having good social connections can even make you live longer and help you not to have as many health or mental problems as you might have otherwise including lower blood pressure and heart disease.
Some friendships might not have the positive effect that you hope for though and these can be relationships that are toxic.
Having toxic friendships can cause you to be drained and to be upset and instead of helping your life to be better, they bring you down and hurt you.
Do you wonder how to know if someone is a toxic friend? Learn to tell that and how you can handle these kinds of people when they come into your life.
What Does a Toxic Friend Do?
Everyone has both good and bad days and when you have a bad day, it can be hard to be nice to everyone. How can you tell if your friend is having a bad day or if they are just toxic?
When a good friend has a day that is bad, they will apologize and do what they can to make it up to you, but a toxic friend will just continuously bring you down and will never be sorry for their actions.
Here are some things a toxic friend might do:
Put You Down
Sometimes you will joke with your friends and that is normal and fun, but a toxic friend will put you down and demean you. They will do things to insult you and act like they are joking.
Talk About You
A friend that you care about and cares about you will keep your secrets but if you have a toxic friend, they will tell everyone what you have told them, even in private.
If you have a friend that spreads gossip about you, think about if they are really your friend or not.
No True Apology
A real friend will say they are sorry and mean it if they have hurt you. If you have a toxic person in your life, they will not feel bad for hurting your feelings and they may even blame you for being too sensitive.
Make You Uneasy
Being with someone that is toxic can cause you to feel uneasy. This can happen because you never know how this person will act. This can almost feel like abuse sometimes.
If you think someone is being unhealthy to you or if they are being abusive towards you, get out. Maybe you forget to do things, or they react harshly with you and then act like it is your fault.
Unsettled
When you spend time with someone that is your friend, you feel good, and you have fun. If you have a friend that always leaves you feeling bad or upset, and even if you don’t know why, it could be a toxic friendship.
This can cause you to not want to spend more time with them or to want to end the friendship altogether.
Comparing You
A real friend will see the good in you and will always support you and lift you up. A toxic friend will compare you to everyone they meet and make you feel not good enough.
We are all different and a real friend will recognize your differences and will see that you are strong and amazing regardless of your differences.
Putting Themselves First
Real friends will want you to have the spotlight and will want people to notice you. If you have someone in your life that is always wanting to be the center of attention, this can mean you are dealing with a toxic person.
How long does it take before they turn the conversation into something about themselves?
Changing Who You Are
No one should ever try to get you to be someone else or to try to change you. A real friend will embrace everything about you, and they will support you and encourage you to be yourself.
If someone struggles to be nice to you and they want you to change and be who they want you to be, this is not a real friend.
How This Friendship Will Affect You
Toxic friendships will cause you to be down in your emotions. They will affect you in a negative way. Spending time with someone that doesn’t like you or care about your feelings can be hard.
If you have someone around you that does the following things or makes you feel the following ways, get out as soon as you can:
Feeling Alone
When you spend time with your friends, you should be connected to them and close to them but ever felt.
Maybe they don’t’ want to spend time with you and you feel like you aren’t friends at all.
Increased Stress
Getting rid of your stress or having less stress is what we are all trying to achieve. Friendships should help you to feel better almost 100% but if you are always upset or stressed out when you hang out with someone, chances are that they are toxic to you.
Even if you aren’t with them, you might have negative text messages or negative talking that can make you feel bad and make you feel worse than you did.
Support
True friends will support you in everything that they do. They will be there, and they will listen and be compassionate for you. A real friend will share your stresses and will help you to reach your goals.
A toxic friend will never have compassion for you and will never support you. They will say that your problems are not important, or they will not even respond to your messages. They won’t be there when you need them.
Self-Esteem
Someone that always puts you down will cause you to have self-esteem problems. If someone is not nice to you or is always making rude statements or comments, your life will be harder, and you will have a hard time having self-esteem.
You might even start to believe what they are saying is true. A real friend will never put you down but will build you up.
Blaming You Always
When you are around someone that is always blaming you for everything that goes wrong, this is a type of manipulation.
They will tell you things and make you feel bad and then turn it around on you like you deserve to be treated that way.
You might even start to be thankful that they are pointing these things out to you so you can change.
Feel Out of Balance
People that are in toxic relationships will be manipulated and this can cause them to feel that things are not good in their life.
You may feel like you can never say anything and when you do, it is the wrong thing. You might have someone that overreacts about everything and you never know what you should say or do.
You stay confused and they leave you feeling bad all the time.
Suffering Relationships
Being in a toxic friendship can cause all of your other relationships to be hard. They will cause other people to not want to be around you.
You will start to doubt who you are, and you will have a hard time having support from people that you need in your life. People will avoid you so that they can stay away from that person.
What to Do
If you have realized that you have a toxic person in your life, you can either get rid of them as a friend or you can face them and tell them that you aren’t going to take it anymore. The last resort can be that you end the friendship.
Give Them Another Chances
This person in your life might not have always been the way that they are now and so you know that they might need your support.
If they are being self-centered and they are being rude, talk to them and see if they change and if they try to be better.
Tell them how they are making you feel and communicate with them. Learn to set boundaries so that they can stay in your life without hurting you.
But, if the friendship has no benefits for you, you need to let them go and stop being friends with them. This kind of relationship can almost be abusive and if you are wanting to let go and get rid of this toxic behavior, move on.
Take Time for You
If you want to better your life, you need to do things that help you to feel better. Take time away from this person and see if your life improves.
Things might feel better and maybe you won’t have to worry about seeing them and then you won’t have to deal with ending the relationship.
Boundaries
If you want to have friends, you need to have boundaries. All friendships and relationships should have them.
Be clear about what you want and how you expect people to treat you. Do not allow them to lie or gossip about you or to you. Do not let them put you down.
Practice What to Say
Once you are going to end the friendship, practice what you will say. Write a letter or write a text and be very specific in what you want.
Before you talk to them, make sure that you know the reasons that the friendship is suffering and what you are going to do about it. Practice what you are going to say and get your thoughts straight.
Be Straight
Give them the details of what you want in your life and in your friendships. Tell them that you need friends that are good to you and treat you right. If they don’t want to be your friend and treat you the way you deserve, let them go.
Letting Go
If you choose to let this person go, let them go. If you decide to give them another chance, think about it before you do.
Make sure that they are going to change and that you are not going to be the one that suffers in the end. Restarting the friendship could cause you to go right back to where you left off.
People can change but it is up to them to do that.
Talk to Someone
Find people that you can talk to about what is going on in your toxic friendship. Once you have distanced yourself form this person, you might see that you have a hard time connecting with other people.
You more than likely have some good friends, talk to them, and tell them what is going on in your life and seek out positive friendships.
If you have a mutual friend, then those friends will know what you are talking about. Tell them what you feel comfortable telling them and let them help you through the situation.
Take Care of You
Learn to take care of your life. End the toxic friendship and look at how much pain and hurt you get rid of.
Take care of yourself such as:
- Spend time alone.
- Talk to people that love you.
- Find new hobbies.
Do things that make you smile and that bring positivity in your life.
Conclusion
Ending a relationship that is toxic is important and can help to make your life better. Even though this is never easy, you can talk to a therapist or a friend to help you know what to do and help you to end or repair the relationship that you are in. Have a happy life and find people that give you peace and love.